Ladybird and Friends

Blue, clear sky.

Wonderful, mild winter weather.

Great friends.

Good Sunday dinner comfort food.

A cooperative horse.

Happy kids.

What a GREAT day!!!

Ahhhh ~~~

Gwynie Pie

I have taken an "accidental" break from blogging for the past few weeks.

As I've mentioned, I have a part-time job now. Only --- I've been working

3+ days a week -- more than I had anticipated.

That's a good thing because it has

forced me to learn the job.

BUT -- it's taken a LOT out of me.

I've been so tired. Getting up at 5:30 each day,

trying to learn a very precise job

(lots of rules - no room for flub-ups).

And just the routine of getting everything

ready for the next day the night before

has been a challenge.

5:30 is NOT the time to be stumbling

around trying to decide what to wear

or what to take for lunch :)

Also -- there is much discouragement

to deal with.

I know I'm a smart woman,

with the ability to learn.

However.......

I have not exactly been

affirmed in this knowledge.

I end most days feeling defeated.

Embarassed.

With a gnawing in the pit of my stomach.

That "what did I do wrong today?" feeling.

Everyday brings something new --

and just when I thought I had learned

what I needed to get through the day.

Learning something new is just a challenge.

To anyone.

At any age.

At any season of life.

I've been frustrated with myself.

Cried many tears the past few weeks.

I just want this job to be a little easier

and clearer than it has been.

And I don't want to let anyone down --

not my employer.

not my family.

not my husband.

not myself.

I'm very humbled by the fact that

I'm just not very good at this.

This working out of the home.

I never have been very good at it.

And THAT'S the truth!

I'm good at many things.

Really good at some things.

Excellent at a few.

And that has always been OK with me.

I've just concentrated on those areas where

I am excellent.

And quite honestly --

those places where I DO excel .....

those are the "places of my heart"

those are THE most important to me.

My home.

My family.

My husband.

My God.

Sooooo --

I am frustrated.

embarassed.

discouraged.

AND I'm in complete and total admiration

of all those women who would

waaaaaay rather be at home

BUT

who go out into the big world

every day, to jobs

they may or may not love.

For so many, it is simply a matter

of having to work - financially speaking

- and not a matter of choice at all.

Well there you have it.

I've confessed my "secret".

Say a prayer for me, please?

I know this is about a whole lot more

than "just" a job.

There's much more going on here.

I just want to hang on

and answer the question

"What?"

Gwynie Pie