Blue, clear sky.
Wonderful, mild winter weather.
Good Sunday dinner comfort food.
A cooperative horse.
What a GREAT day!!!
I have taken an "accidental" break from blogging for the past few weeks.
As I've mentioned, I have a part-time job now. Only --- I've been working
3+ days a week -- more than I had anticipated.
That's a good thing because it has
forced me to learn the job.
BUT -- it's taken a LOT out of me.
I've been so tired. Getting up at 5:30 each day,
trying to learn a very precise job
(lots of rules - no room for flub-ups).
And just the routine of getting everything
ready for the next day the night before
has been a challenge.
5:30 is NOT the time to be stumbling
around trying to decide what to wear
or what to take for lunch :)
Also -- there is much discouragement
to deal with.
I know I'm a smart woman,
with the ability to learn.
I have not exactly been
affirmed in this knowledge.
I end most days feeling defeated.
With a gnawing in the pit of my stomach.
That "what did I do wrong today?" feeling.
Everyday brings something new --
and just when I thought I had learned
what I needed to get through the day.
Learning something new is just a challenge.
At any age.
At any season of life.
I've been frustrated with myself.
Cried many tears the past few weeks.
I just want this job to be a little easier
and clearer than it has been.
And I don't want to let anyone down --
not my employer.
not my family.
not my husband.
I'm very humbled by the fact that
I'm just not very good at this.
This working out of the home.
I never have been very good at it.
And THAT'S the truth!
I'm good at many things.
Really good at some things.
Excellent at a few.
And that has always been OK with me.
I've just concentrated on those areas where
I am excellent.
And quite honestly --
those places where I DO excel .....
those are the "places of my heart"
those are THE most important to me.
I am frustrated.
AND I'm in complete and total admiration
of all those women who would
waaaaaay rather be at home
who go out into the big world
every day, to jobs
they may or may not love.
For so many, it is simply a matter
of having to work - financially speaking
- and not a matter of choice at all.
Well there you have it.
I've confessed my "secret".
Say a prayer for me, please?
I know this is about a whole lot more
than "just" a job.
There's much more going on here.
I just want to hang on
and answer the question